Creative Writing on Pessoa

Creative Writing on Pessoa
Is life worth living, if you don?t see anything in front of you??.?
?Oh night in which the stars feign light, all night that alone is the size of Universe, make me, body and soul, part of your body, so that-being near darkness- I?ll lose myself and become night as well without any dreams as stars within me, nor a hoped for sun shining with the future? (F.Pessoa, ?Book of Disquiet?, passage 280 ). How do I begin to tell you the story of myself? To tell you how hard it is to fight with the inner you? Let me try to express my feelings about the story, which I would never read again, the story of myself.
?Is it worth to live, if you don?t see anything in front of you: neither your future, nor what you want from your life?? I was walking towards the ocean and was thinking about my life?s mistakes. Life got totally screwed up, everything went wrong. Before, I was an example of the perfect man: I was studying and dreaming about the future, I did not do anything abnormal, and I was proud of myself. And who am I now? The person, ? who lost himself in this world; in the ocean of mistakes and uncertainty. I did a lot of stupid things, and even realized that I never tried to change my life?

The weather this night was beautiful: the sky was surprisingly clear, and it seemed that every star was like a mirror, which reflected your image. He reached the beach, sat on the sand and his look stared far away. Refreshing breeze was coming from the side of the ocean and moon shone far away in the sky. He was afraid of the thoughts in his head and scared of them becoming a reality. Somehow he felt that something was going to happen, maybe all of it was just a wish to change his life, no one would know that, only stars and the moon could predict the future and they were ?laughing? at him seeing him struggling.

He was looking far away in this big tunnel of darkness, trying to find out something new, trying to see her, the woman of his dreams. He closed his eyes just for one moment, and his mind flew away somewhere very far, somewhere he was dreaming to be. In this moment he felt that someone came to him from behind: had put their head on his shoulder, gently kissed his neck, touched his cheek, ? his heart started to beat faster and even harder. But he realized that all it was just an illusion, he only dreamed about it and somewhere at the bottom of his soul, he hoped it all would become a reality. He land back on the sand and barely kept himself from crying. It really hurts. It seemed like his heart wanted to stop, but the soul could not cope with that because it wanted to live with him forever. He wanted to fell her beside him, her kisses full of love, her tenderness and warmth? but there was no chance for this to happen, because he was so far away from her and a long period of time separated them from each other.

After that his dreams dissolved away. ?Why is she not with me? If she was here, then I would be saved from these horrible thoughts. I want to live, but live only for her, and I don?t even have the strength and power to touch her, kiss her and tell her how much I dreamed about her?. As he opened his eyes and glanced up at the sky, he saw a falling star. In instant he made a wish ?to find and to be with her?, and it was not so hard to do, because she was a subject of his thoughts. Maybe someday his wish will come true; he will hear her beautiful voice and gaze upon her captivating smile. He could talk with her and tell her how much he missed and needed her and how he dreamed to be with her. He will look into her eyes, full of love, softly sigh and whisper into her ear with his tender voice: ?I love you? and never ever let her go and disappear from his life.

What price are you going to pay to live happily ever after? Why do people make a mistake at first and after realizing what they?ve done, try to change their lives for a better future? After all of this happened with me, I started to think about it more and more. I would give up anything in my life to start over again, but we all know it?s not going to happen. And that?s why I have to continue to live and express myself through my dreams, dreams about perfection and stability. Someday my illusion will become real and bring happy end in my inner Universe. And when it?s going to happen I would get everything I wanted from life.

Creative Writing on Pessoa 7.2 of 10 on the basis of 737 Review.