That Dreaded Word

That Dreaded Word
?Ring, ring?, I wondered who was calling me at this time of evening. ?Yes; o.k.; Yes, I?ll be there?, I said before hanging up the phone. What was wrong, I wondered all that evening that the doctor wanted me to come in to discuss my lab results? I had never been asked to come in to the office after doing blood tests before; when receiving a call as this the mind plays tricks on the person and wild things start popping up in the head.
?Joyce, I need to leave work at 10 o?clock today to go to the doctor?s office.? Trying not to show my nervousness the words come out fast. ?Let me know what the doctor said?, Joyce exclaimed as she walked back to her office. ?O.k.? was all I could say as she was walking off.
The doctor?s office was crowded as I checked in at the front desk. ?Do you have insurance?? the lady at the window asks several times before I realized she was talking to me. ?I?m just here to talk to the doctor about my lab results? I squeaked, ?Sign here, Please.?
Sitting down was just about unbearable; wall to wall pregnant women, as far as the eye could see. ?Was this what the doctor was going to tell me, that he made a mistake while doing my partial hysterectomy and now I was pregnant? No; that couldn?t be it! It?s been a year since I had surgery. So, what was so important that he couldn?t tell over the phone? May be the endometriosis came back; yes, that was it, it had to be. Why wasn?t my name being called?? It had been 20 minutes since I signed in. Waiting when uncertainty was on one side of the door and clear was on the other, waiting was the hardest thing to do.
?Selena Gibson? the nurse called out after opening the closed door. I stood up and quickly moved forward toward the nurse. Stepping through the door I was ask to turn to the right and go down the hallway. Walking down the long stretch dragging my feet along the way I was scared to find out what the doctor was going to say. Turning to the left the room looked impersonal and cold. I was asked to seat in the chair and wait till the doctor came in with the results. Great more waiting was what entered my mind when she walked out of the room. I was fumbling through the magazines when the doctor came in and I thought ?o.k. here we go.?
?After reviewing the results from your biopsy we need to schedule a time to finish your hysterectomy, you have cancer.? I dropped the magazine, there in that room was the last word I expected to here spoken. No it couldn?t be, they had to be wrong, I didn?t have cancer they made a mistake. ?Are you sure?? in a low mumble came from my lips as the shock began to set in. ?It is contained in the ovaries as far as we can tell.? The doctor pointed out as if he was trying to confirm what he had just spoken to me. ?When?? was all I could muster before numbness settled. ?My receptionist will help you in setting up the appointment, we need to do this as early as possible.? The doctor replied before leaving me alone in the room.
Two weeks; what was I going to do for two weeks, go mad? My kids, my husband, what was I going to tell them, they needed me I couldn?t leave them, I was mom. The drive home was unbearable; cancer, I have cancer kept playing over and over in my mind. Overbey?s greenhouse I?m almost home. Turn left go up the hill and park. They open the door curious about what the doctor had said. My husband could tell by the look in my eyes it was bad. I stepped into the hallway and said, ?cancer, I have cancer.? I said in-between sobs. He put his arms around me and held me tight and told me it was going to be alright. I liked hearing the words even though I couldn?t believe it. So what was ovarian cancer anyway could it kill me I just had to know. That dreaded word was so terrifying in itself but a specific kind was even scarier. This meant it wasn?t simple, it had a specific name. I had to find out what that name meant.
The internet is a great tool to do research but sometimes it is better just not knowing and believing what the doctor told you. While doing my search every sight that came up said the same thing ?deadly?. The type of cancer I was labeled with had a very low survival rate. By the time, in most cases, the cancer is discovered it has done spread to other parts of the body leaving no hope for containment. This can?t be right the doctor said surgery; it was contained, so why do the web sites say different. I turned the computer off and looked at my husband with tears in my eyes, ?I don?t want to die.?
The next two weeks was like being on a roller coaster, one minute I was up and the next minute I was down. I felt like everyone I knew was standing on the ground looking up at me telling me to keep my eyes open the ride will be over soon, when all I wanted to do was keep my eyes closed till it was over.
Wednesday morning 6 a.m. hungry, thirsty, nervous what more could a person ask for but for this to be already over. Hurry up and wait; why do doctors insist that you be at the hospital at a certain time when they schedule more than one person at the same time. Six hours, I?ve been waiting for six hours I can?t stand this much more. Change into a hospital gown, an I.V. and here we go. Three hours and all looks good, it was over I was fine and not a trace or sign of cancer was found.
When things looked at there worst my family and friends were there to give me the support and encouragement I needed and cancer, even though it sounds like a death sentence when spoken out loud, can be over come with great determination and will power and a lot of love and support in the right circumstances.

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