Pornography's Effects on Relationships

Pornography's Effects on Relationships
When it comes to relationships there are many things that need to be present in order for it to work out. You must have support from both sides and honesty is also a big factor. When pornography enters a relationship it can be destroyed and could possible ruin that relationship forever. This essay will be able to inform you of all the ways that pornography can and does ruin relationships. Support for this argument will be drawn from the following sources: Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, Love, Sex, and Health, and The Question of Pornography.
First of all trust is one of the biggest factors when it comes to being in a relationship. It there is no trust it could all easily fall apart. This is why so many women loose their husbands trust when they first discover that they have been cheating on them with pornography magazines, books, and more often internet sites. Pamela Paul states that ?most men do not admit to engaging in pornography but try to hide it from their spouse in order to keep it a secret. When their spouses end up finding out about it, all trust has been lost in the relationship and this is when it usually ends? (100). Most women become devastated when they find out that their husbands have a ?second life?. They really feel that they have been cheated on and have lost that special connection between their significant other and them. When women find out about this it usually leads to short term separation which in the end leads to divorce and their relationship simply becomes another statistics of how many relationships pornography has ruined. Most relationships rely on trust and when that trust bond is broken it is very hard to get it back.
Along with trust comes honesty and if some women believe that their husbands may be using pornography they may confront them and ask. Pamela Paul says ?a typical males response is ?of course not?. Then they go on to say ?I can?t believe that you don?t trust me? when men say this is makes their wives really think about what they just asked and so they end up believing them? (99). It is sad to think that some women can be easily controlled like the above situation but also most women like to hope for the best so they just decide that their husband is telling the truth. The men on the other hand continue to go on, as life is normal and still engage in pornographic activities. This then leads to women always watching and checking up on their husbands in order to find out if they are telling the truth or not. When women find out that men went behind their backs and even lied to them this is when the relationship takes a turn for the worse. Women take lying very seriously and when they find out they have been lied to, it causes a lot of disappointment. Most relationships end at this point because honesty is no longer present in their relationship.

Pornography can take a toll on women?s emotions as well as their self-esteem. When women first find out that their husbands have been using pornography they begin to feel that is their fault. They start to put themselves down and think that they are ?sexually undesirable, worthless, weak, and stupid? (Bergner 194). For many women this could mean a big time emotional break down. Women begin to think that their husbands are using pornography because they cannot satisfy them and make them happier than the other women that they are looking at. Bergner points out that ?men don?t understand what they cause their partners to feel once they have found out about their ?second life.?? Women feel that they are constantly being compared to porn stars and not looked at for whom they really are. This makes them think that whenever they do engage in sexual activities that their husbands are not thinking about them, they are thinking about the women that they have been looking at. Bergner explains that ?most relationships are ended at this point because these women will never fell the same or feel like they are wanted ever again? (195). This is not a good feeling that people want to feel so it cause the women to really think about if they still want to be in that relationship any longer.
Pamela Paul says ?Cyberporn is a way for men to view women who are almost perfect and try and compare them to their wives and/or partners? (100). Experts have said ?that men who view porn may develop unrealistic expectations of women?s appearance and behavior, have difficulty forming and sustaining relationships and feeling sexually satisfied? (101). If men are constantly looking at women who are deemed to be perfect they start to develop this picture inside of their head. When they realize that their spouses or partners don?t look like these women that is when they will start to fantasize about the ?perfect women?. So in other words, men really don?t engage in sexual activities with their partners all the time when they are always thinking about the recent porn star they just saw on their computer. The wives are simply just a warm body to them.

In the book The Question of Pornography, Donnerstein explains that ?exposure to pornography is harmful to individuals and to society as a whole: it has a negative effect on behavior, attitudes, character, and emotions? (25). That fact that pornography has a negative effect on emotions is correct. Women are the ones who are hurt in all of these situations. They are the ones who have to find out that their significant other is using pornography and then try to confront them. For women this can be a very emotional time in their lives when they find out that the person that they love and wanted to spend the rest of their life with, indeed has another secret life that has been kept from them. Most women would like to believe that what is really happening is all make believe, when in reality it is real. They think that not saying anything and not doing something to try to change the relationship might help but usually that is the wrong way to go. Some women become scared and realize that they do not want to be alone so they decide to stick it out and all that does is cause more emotional problems and unneeded stress on them. Last year there were 957,200 divorces in the United States alone. Of these 957,200, a little more than 140,000 relationships were ended because of some type of pornography involved. This number is incredibly high and will probably grow in the near future. With all the new technology out there is it so much easier to gain access to pornography today then it would have been ten years ago. Having examined the argument that pornography destroys relationships, let us now turn to the claim some have made that pornography actually enhances relationships. Support for this argument will be drawn from the following sources: Men?s Health, Perspectives on Pornography, and Men Confront Pornography. Several studies have been done to see if it is really true that pornography can actually benefit people?s relationships instead of ruining them. According to Men?s Health, ?pornography is just a way to be able to release sexual tension in a way that does not involve any thought or emotions? (32). So because it does not involve thought or emotions it is harmless. There is no way that anybody could get hurt. As long as your partner knows what is going on and you are not hiding anything from them they should be able to understand the circumstances. In some cases it has been known for both partners to use pornography.
Throughout time it has been known that men are more likely to engage in pornography than women are. Nicole Beland stated, ?Most girls were taught that porn was dirty and shameful and so that?s the way they all look at it? (32). This is true because most men aren?t taught that pornography is bad. Pornography is one of those stereotypes where it is okay for men to look at but not for women. It has been proven ?that men need to release sexual tension much more often then females? (Beland 32). So if they can look at pornography it helps them to be able to relieve this tension.

There are several different types of pornography. Some include videos, books, magazines, and the most frequently used are Internet cites. Douglas Hughes stated, ?A pornography book is a substitute for a sexual partner. Pornography is harmless so long as we do not corrupt our taste by mistaking it for literature? (Hughes, 6). So if a book can be a substitute for a sexual partner than so can videos, magazine, and even internet cites. Another author has a different point of view on pornography. Michael Kimmel says ?pornography has one great value that is often overlooked ? its use in enhancing marital sex? (120). Pornography can help to strengthen marriages and relationships. Looking at pornography can give couples or partners tips and fresh new ideas so that they can keep the romance alive and constantly changing, so it is not boring to the point of separation. If two people don?t have that special bond, then the chances of their relationships lasting are reduced. Instead of pornography breaking up relationships because of personal feelings it can actually make the relationship stronger and last longer. This may sound a little bit odd, but if you really think about it someone would much rather have things changing all the time in their sex lives than having them stay the same for the next fifty years or so. Most people would admit that keeping sex interesting and exciting throughout your life isn?t easy to do. So this is why people use whatever aids that they can find and this includes pornography. Pornography can also be a stress reducer. When some men don?t really want to engage in the real thing they turn to their computer screen or a magazine instead of their partners. It is an easy short solution to their problems and can even reduce some stress that may have been building up inside. Men are much different from women when it comes to sex. Statistics show ?that men think about sex every three minutes, while women only think about sex every twenty minutes? (Kimmel 151). This proves that men are more likely to use pornography because their spouse may not always want to have sex. Pornography for men is seen as a substitute for real sex and they find no harm in it. Since men find no harm then women shouldn?t either unless they agree to have sex every time their partner wants to. Some women agree to their husbands looking at pornography. They believe that it takes the spotlight off of them and they can have some fun when the women aren?t exactly in the mood for it. Beland stated, ?If women are able to accept the fact that their husbands are looking at other girls it makes it much easier for them. They will not always have to wonder how many times their partners want to have sex today, they will just know that they can go stare at a computer screen for fifteen minutes and the problem is solved? (32). For some women this can make them feel much more at ease about their day. They know that there husbands are looking at other girls but they also know that they will continue to have sex with them but just not every time a man wants too. There was a survey done in the Men?s Health magazine about what percent of women give their husbands consent to looking at pornography. The results were quite shocking. It showed that 71% of women would give their men consent to looking at pornography as the other 29% said they would not. Some of these women made comments like ??We both use pornography together? and ?it has helped our relationship to grow much stronger than it used to be?? (32). Even though proponents of the argument that pornography actually enhances relationships have several strong claims, it is still evident that pornography is, overall, damaging to relationships. There is more evidence to support the argument than the counterargument. Most of the argument sources are recent journals that have all updated statistics and information while the counterargument sources are mostly books and at least a few years old. In conclusion, it has been shown that pornography does indeed ruin relationships and is shown by the argument, which is much stronger, then the counterargument. There may be some good benefits to using pornography but more often than not it always seems to ruin more relationships. Pornography may be every where and available to almost everyone and it may never go away and relationships will continue to be ruined. In the future people should learn to accept life the way it should be without all of the superficial parts of it. In the end it will be able to help them, to have a much healthier relationships that last much longer. The government should make a law to ban all types of pornography in order to try and save more relationships. As a result of this the divorce when then be lowered.

Pornography's Effects on Relationships 9.6 of 10 on the basis of 2509 Review.